If you haven’t seen the Seinfeld episode “The Invitations,” where George’s fiancée dies from envelope glue, take twenty minutes and treat yourself. (You can pay on YouTube or watch it free, in slight fast-motion, on Dailymotion.) Then come back and read this blog where we offer three compelling reasons for making your life easier with our peel and seal envelopes!
Don’t Let Envelope Glue Kill Your Fiancée!
It’s deep into season 7, but even if you haven’t been following the characters, it’s a great stand-alone. George Costanza is engaged to be married, but a month away, he gets cold feet. Instead of coming right out and breaking it off, he tries, in classic Seinfeld style, a series of passive aggressive tactics, hoping his fiancée will get the hint.
One of these tactics is to buy the cheapest wedding invitations possible. (Apparently, he didn’t know where to find excellent envelopes at great prices!)
The Envelopes Finally Do the Trick
Well, we’re sorry/not sorry to say (spoiler alert) it’s the envelopes that finally do the trick. After licking envelope flaps all day, toxins in the envelope glue cause George’s betrothed to kick the bucket. He finds her in the apartment, keeled over, and can barely restrain his joy. If only they had used peel and seal, George would be good and miserable to this day.
In his words to a hopeful date (Marisa Tomei) at the end of the episode:
“Toxic glue from the wedding invitations… We were expecting about 200 people…But my weekend is wide open!”
Oh, the absurdities of self-absorption and post-modern life! Fortunately, licking envelope glue all day doesn’t have to be one of those absurdities.
Try Peel and Seal Envelopes Instead!
Don’t want envelope glue to kill your fiancé? Try peel and seal envelopes. Instead of moistening (whether by mouth or one of those leaky little sponge things), you reveal the adhesive by removing a strip, and voilà! Your wedding invitations, save the dates, memos, invoices, and holiday cards are ready to go.
All right, maybe fearing for the life of your fiancé is overkill (pun intended). But there are much more likely, and less Seinfeld-y, reasons for preferring peel and seal envelopes:
- Glue tastes bad. Envelope glue is produced from gum arabic—tree sap—and is totally harmless. But let’s just be real. It is yucky. And if you’re sending more than a few items, you dry out your tongue and get that gnarly aftertaste. So keep a water bottle and some mints by your desk, or go with peel and seal.
- Envelopes aren’t germ-free. Paper factories are not built to produce 100% sanitary paper. Neither, for that matter, are our mouths. It’s not really their job. So if you’re into that whole germ thing, you might want to think about that, especially during times like flu season.
- Adhesive doesn’t always stick. Peel and seal adhesive sticks. Nothing’s more first-world-problem annoying than licking an envelope seal only to have it stick on one side, but not the other. Then you’re trying to get your tongue under the edge, then having to just tape it all down anyway. And an envelope that’s been taped—it’s probably not what you paid for.
So unless you’re trying to find a good way to call the whole thing off, don’t leave your fiancé (or yourself) licking envelopes!